They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
