um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
