She is in my trunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
