I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
