even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
