toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
