The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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