just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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