you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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