No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
