i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
