i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
