Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
