I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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