i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
