Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
