I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
