Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
