Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
