We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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