the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
