Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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