I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
