Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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