You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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