The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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