The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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