Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fuck appropriateness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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