Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
