I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
