I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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