Don't you send me to vm
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
