ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
