She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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