i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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