Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
