Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
