sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
