I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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