Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
