I think I am morally bankrupt
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
