eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
