why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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