I want to make a zoo with you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FUCK WHALES
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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