You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
