I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
