yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
