he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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