I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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