I wish I only lived at night.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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