Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
