someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
