it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
